Surrender

sur·ren·der 1 a: to yield to the power, control, or possession of another upon compulsion or demand b: to give up completely or agree to forgo especially in favor of another 2 a: to give (oneself) up into the power of another especially as a prisoner b: to give (oneself) over to something (as an influence)
to give oneself up into the power of another : yield
synonyms see relinquish

con·trol 2 a: to exercise restraining or directing influence over : regulate b: to have power over : rule c: to reduce the incidence or severity of especially to innocuous levels
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/

Surrender is the only word I can think of to describe how I am feeling tonight!
After visiting with the neurologist today in Florence and talking with the neurologist that we saw in Charleston, Hannah Moriah has been taken off the seizure medication for now. Since she was having an allergic reaction to the medicine and many seizure medications are similar in composition, she was not placed on a fourth medicine. However, if she does show signs of seizures, we are to notify the doctor immediately and look for further treatment and answers.
So, now we are kinda at a full circle-except we had a lot of seizures in between.
I told Jay at the doctor's office that I could not continue to live in FEAR each day! My body, mind, and heart can not live like that.
So the only way I can live is in SURRENDER! I love this definition of surrender " to give up completely...especially in favor of another" I have to surrender to Christ, to give up my desire to control, which I can't really control anything about Hannah Moriah having or not having another seizure. So I must give up this false sense of control and fear of failure of that control. I remember Beth Moore explaining that God may not answer prayers our way as "yes", but that means He has a "greater yes" that He wants to do in our lives. So I must surrender to the "greater yes."
So now the challenge is to go on with our family life...We certainly need all the prayers and support of family and friends. As I close, not knowing what tonight may hold...I praise the one who holds me gently in his arms.

"He tends his flock like a shepherd:

He gathers the lambs in his arms

and carries them close to his heart;

he gently leads those that have young."

Isaiah 40:11